The challenges of caregiving are many, but the life of a caregiver can also be filled with many joys.
An elderly woman recently died after years of dementia and other health issues. Her husband had been her main caregiver, and, despite the difficulties they encountered, their love and connection remained strong throughout her years of illness. The couple, who were married for 53 years, also retained their enjoyment of life’s daily activities, such as cooking and chatting with their daughters, their grandchildren, and all of the people that filtered through their days.
In the late afternoons, the husband would often bring his wife outside to enjoy the sunlight, and she would sing in a warm and cheery voice that delighted her neighbors. When she died, the loss was intense for everyone who loved her.
It’s a strange thing—the intertwined love and pain that caregiving can combine—especially during a long illness filled with good days and difficult ones.
So how can a caregiver manage both those inevitable losses and the beauty of the joys?
1) Finding a Way Through Intense Feelings
While going through life’s ups and downs, caregivers’ emotions can run high and low. Those feelings can be powerful forces that cause both stress and pleasure. These changes can be confusing and overwhelming at times. One of the ways to lower the intensity when emotions are either too high or too low is to try to step back and observe them. Say, “Hmm, I’m feeling lots of anger right now.” Or worry or stress or sadness. Sometimes simply observing one’s feelings can help them cycle through our bodies. A free application, such as Insight Timer, can also be useful. The app allows users to search for a topic, such as ‘getting rid of worries,’ in order to find some short, guided talks that might help release those stressful emotions.
2) Do the Opposite
Sometimes a caregiver’s mental stresses are so intense that problems circle and circle in their minds in unending repetition. It can be hard to turn off those types of thoughts, but sometimes doing something that is the opposite of everyday life can help. For example, one friend goes to comedy improv shows, which are so involving that her mind is able to let go and laugh. Other friends go out into nature, which might include a beach outing, a hike, or simply a visit to their backyard where they watch the birds or even try to attract them by cultivating flowers or installing a feeder and birdbath. If you need a break, try to think about what might bring you the most joy, then step out and do it. Your loved one might even get a kick out of it too.
3) Find Support
Support is essential to every caregiver and can come in an array of packages. Some people may need to talk more than anything else, but they may also enjoy the camaraderie of listening and helping others who are struggling. A support group or a few good friends might be the answer for them. Every caregiver also needs breaks, and another type of support stems from finding ways to get those breaks. Consider what would help you most and brainstorm ways to get it. Sometimes a paid caregiver might be necessary. Other times, local groups, ranging from churches to senior centers, might have options that can help. Friends and families might also be willing to step in if they know you need help.
Whatever you do, try to treasure those moments of joy. If you can, let them play over and over in your mind. Revel in them. Before you know it, life will change, and you’ll miss those special memories. In the years that follow, you’ll be glad that you took the time to feel and appreciate them.
Thank you for reading, please share with a friend, and be well.
—KK
We are grateful to have been helping caregivers in need for over 10 years thanks to the support of the many generous and caring friends who have helped make a difference in so many lives.
Please consider donating to the Kathi Koll Foundation so you can help make a difference in struggling family caregivers’ lives. Thank you!
Hero Image: ID 419427784 | © Joy Ekaterina Usenko | Dreamstime.com