My new life as a caregiver happened suddenly. My husband had a stroke, was paralyzed from the neck down, and struggled to speak. He obviously needed 24-hour care, but for many ailing loved ones, the need for extra care happens slowly. A beloved parent may begin to forget things or have an increasingly difficult time…
Caregivers often forget to prioritize their own care. An ill loved one’s needs may seem more urgent, but even in an emergency, it’s vital to care for ourselves first. For example, if you’re rushing your spouse to the hospital at 3 a.m., as I had to do with my husband due to complications from a…
When Anne’s father was dying, she couldn’t visit him. Pandemic restrictions at the nursing home meant that only her sister, who lived nearby, was welcome. Her sister also had permission to talk to the doctors, while Anne, who lived on the other side of the country, did not. Unfortunately, when Anne tried to help from afar,…
When the health of a beloved friend or family member falters, the responsibility for their care may fall on people in far flung cities, states or even countries. This situation—long-distance caregiving—causes particular stresses. Learning about a loved one’s medical care, financial issues, and daily needs are challenges that can be hard to address from a…
Sometimes caregivers feel invisible. They may toil alone, often with a loved one who, due to physical or cognitive issues, cannot recognize or appreciate their strenuous efforts and support. This invisibility can hurt. It can accentuate the loneliness of a lonely job. One day, amidst the almost seven years of caring for my husband after…
We all get angry. We can’t help it. It’s part of being human. Yet, as a caregiver, that emotion can become complicated. We might become the undeserved recipients of anger in the moments our loved ones boil over while struggling with incredibly frustrating and debilitating medical conditions. Or perhaps caregiving’s relentless demands might wear down…
Grief and death generally go hand in hand. Yet grief can also come early, when death has yet to occur. When a debilitating ailment strikes, loved ones may grieve not only after death, but before, while their loved one is still alive. In fact, for many caregivers, “anticipatory grief” can be more painful than after-death…
Most of us have likely heard the truism: If you need something done, ask a busy person. But a corollary of that may be, the busiest of us, the ones who seem the most competent and together, may also be silently suffering from depression, anxiety or are overwhelmed. And caregivers can easily fall into this…
A new year can be a time for both gratitude and remembrance, but also anticipation for what the coming months may bring and how we can make a difference. At the Kathi Koll Foundation, the past year was a banner one in which we were able to provide more assistance to more caregivers than any year since…
If you’ve ever seen the movie Fiddler on the Roof, then you’ve heard the word “tradition” sung with a verve that you’ll likely never forget. The film is about change and the unraveling of traditions, but strangely enough, it is also about celebrating many of the traditions that make up the characters’ lives. This odd duality—a love…