We all experience feelings of guilt from time or time. As caregivers, we can feel guilty about leaving the patient alone for too long or for taking time to ourselves. Patients can feel guilty about asking for help or for even needing help in the first place.
Coping with guilt can be tough but I have discovered some effective tools for dealing with it from author and psychology researcher Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D., that have helped me move on more quickly.
I’ve found most helpful in supporting those at the end-of-life is to focus on them and what they want, without judgment. It’s important to meet the patient where they’re at – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
One of the greatest gifts you can give a loved one at the end-of-life is the gift of presence. Doing so can be one of the most loving and supportive acts you can take to make the transition easier and more peaceful for them.
Many Blessings,
Kathi Koll
When a friend’s spouse experiences a stroke or other significant health incident, the inclination is to support the patient. Particularly as time passes, it’s easy (and natural) to focus on how the patient is recovering and forget that your friend has an on-going, and oftentimes full-time role in their spouse’s recovery.
It’s November and the beginning of the holiday season, which has me thinking about the many blessings I have to be grateful for today.
However, it wasn’t always this way. When I first became a caregiver, my world turned upside down, I was not feeling especially grateful for anything. I was having difficulty adjusting to my new life and frustrated by the multitude of medical and personal limitations. At times it felt as if I was just surviving.
With the change of seasons now upon us and school and work schedules resumed, many of us can start to feel stressed with everything that needs to get done.
Caregivers may feel left out simply by watching their friends make fall plans when they have to continue being a full-time caregiver.
I traveled to Santa Barbara last week to tour two hospice houses and explore what other communities were doing to serve those at the end of life.
The houses were nothing like I expected. Instead of having an aura of sadness looming in the hallways; the houses have a spiritual, positive energy that exude a sense of warmth and welcoming for all its guests. The amenities also were incredible. One house had a fresh vegetable garden and Spanish-style decor, while the other had an elegant sitting room for families, and even a medically adapted spa. We were ready to move in ourselves!
This week, I spoke at the Fullerton Rotary Club and got a number of questions from audience members about how I dealt with various issues after stroke.
One man asked us what we told people who were struggling with depression, which is a very common occurrence during recovery from a significant health crisis.
With summer already here, it’s gotten me thinking about the things I did for fun in the summer despite the changes a stroke had had in our lives.
Summer is a bridge of time between spring and fall that gives us a time to relax and reflect.
A few days ago I was talking to someone about how quickly one’s life can change. The thought randomly jogged a memory I had of an early childhood friend who lost her mother. I remember thinking at the time how strange it was, and telling myself that it would never happen to me. Then at 18 I lost my mother to cancer. Likewise, a young woman I know was a happy 11-year-old girl who was enjoying her life when one day she suddenly suffers a catastrophic stroke.
I have received numerous emails from people asking us how I dealt with certain issues. Questions have spanned the spectrum from how did I cope with sadness to how I was able to maintain a social life?
I always say that I wish I had had ‘us’ to talk to, and hope to offer support and guidance to those who need it.
Recently, I spoke to a few individuals whose loved ones had just experienced significant medical events, and are just beginning the recovery process.